Vision 13

Vision 13
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

Art animates our minds and hands
And brings joy to our solitude

Painted Book: A Vision of Being

page eighteen

A Book of Complaints

A392 Artist & Anomaly V

A392 Artist & Anomaly V
24x18" acrylic, pastels, pencils
private collection

This is a lost and found work. I did not have it recorded in my catalogue, and had not taken a picture of it. One day my friend Deb visited, and she brought the picture with her. I had given it to her daughter and then forgotten it completely. So here it is, slightly out-of-place, since there were no other numbers available for it, and I can't quite make out the date. The picture surprised me...what was I thinking when I did it? I think I was simply enjoying the shapes and colours and patterns. Maybe it's my child artist, surrounded by her creative aura.

Anomaly Series

PageScape IV Discerning

PageScape IV Discerning
8.25x5" Prisma Colour pencils on hardcover novel

Another morning of sketching with Deb. We discussed the idea of discernment, really looking and focusing, as a path to discovery. Painting and writing help to crystallize ideas, giving form to what we can only sense.

All is hidden for us to find. And each discovery leads us, if we are discerning, to another.

Pagescapes

page seventeen

A Book of Complaints

A390 Token V (speckled bird)

A390 Token V (speckled bird)
10x8" acrylic and prisma colour on board
Private collection

The speckled birds appeared in a vivid dream after I finished chemo. I (dreamed I) was lying in bed, peacefully free of care and pain. A flock of colourful spotted birds sat on me and the blankets, cooing and chirping softly. It was just me and the birds, suspended in a blissful dreamscape.

Anomaly Series

PageScape III Crossings

PageScape III Crossings
8.25x5" Prisma Colour pencils on hardcover novel

The ice began melting in the lake today, as the sun warmed the countryside. Deb and I sat out on the deck with our coloured pencils and books, talking and sketching. A breeze moved the trees gently, and stirred the patterns in the ice. Our conversation drifted, ideas crossing and shifting.

Pagescapes

Growth 17

Growth 17
9x6" oil, marker on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Ever since I had been in remission, I have been thinking about a creature to represent new growth. I thought I would try out a little lizard-like character, cheery and fluid and gorgeously-patterned. Some of these creatures can grow back limbs and tails and such, and similarly, as I recover, my fingers seem to be coming back to life. Suddenly I can draw details again. I can feel my designs once more, and draw with my finest pens just for the joy of it.

Painted Book: Growth

PageScape II Unexpected

PageScape II Unexpected
8.25x5" Prisma Colour pencils on hardcover novel

I began painting on old books and manuals as a way to move my smaller works, sketches and paintings, away from standard formats, and contain them in a 'package'. Of course a book is a package that can contain many things, all presented in order, and portable. You might think a nice new blank sketchbook would do the job nicely, and more reasonable artists have been quite satisfied with just that. But as I paint and draw over the printed pages, words and images stand out, then vanish under layers of paint and pencils. Sometimes the words are reused, as the book pages are recycled, turned into something else. The drawings are small, spontaneous, and do not have the burden of being studio pieces or series work, nor are they numbered in my catalogue. They are just pages. That is the pleasure of making them.

And that is why unforeseen things happen. Unexpected forms appear.

Pagescapes

Vision 12

Vision 12
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

Our companions ease our burdens
And help illuminate the Way

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PageScape I Escape

PageScape I Escape
8.25x5" Prisma Colour pencils on hardcover novel

The wind blows, and everything changes. I can hear the birds, but their shapes merge with the shifting landscape. Even the trees are trying to be something else. It makes me feel restless, exhilarated. I escape into a little drawing, that belongs only to this moment. No rules, no plan...

Pagescapes

Vision 11

Vision 11
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

Are we not enlightened particles
Obedient to the force that draws the circle?

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Vision 10

Vision 10
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

We look inward,
and find understanding

We reflect,
and stretch out our hand

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Vision 9

Vision 9
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

The mirror shows us something
That is more than this world

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Vision 8

Vision 8
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

And however darkness overcomes us
We cannot fall below the wings of Light

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A388 Token IV (fish & raven)

A388 Token IV (fish & raven)
12x12" acrylic & prisma colours on stretched canvas
private collection

The idea for the token sequence of little paintings began with a casual challenge from my mother. We were looking at her sketchbooks, in particular the pages of medallion-shaped designs, which she originally intended for pottery. I said that I thought they would make wonderful paintings. 'Show me how you would put a round design on a square canvas,' my mother said. I made a quick sketch similar to one of her designs, and liked it so much that I
decided to paint it.

Anomaly Series
The raven is one of my familiar old creatures, and the fish is one of my mother's favourite motifs.

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Vision 7

Vision 7
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

Take thought, and think again
For our next act is our future.

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Vision 6

Vision 6
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

Let us empty the chaos of our souls
And be filled again with Light

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Vision 5

Vision 5
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

Nature:

Yet we cannot fully know ourselves or the Design,
Only that it is our Alpha and Omega

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Growth 16

Growth 16
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Impending. Most of the time I avoid thinking about it, but from time to time, my upcoming cancer test results blanket my brain in a white fog. Pending. Coming soon. I scribble in the fog, over and over. Every time I sketch and scribble in my painted books, I find myself laughing over something...fat birds and rubbery characters, or strange, unintentional shapes. Here, my little worries become a Marie Antoinette hairdo, a Cool Whip turban. Just a momentary lather. Or another kind of Growth.

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Growth 15

Growth 15
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

On a glorious sunny day, with my joyful bird characters twittering in my mind, I just paint and draw for fun.

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Vision 4

Vision 4
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

If the world is a reflection of us
Surely we must strive to be our best selves.

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page sixteen

Return to Book of Complaints

page fifteen

Return to Book of Complaints

Growth 14

Growth 14
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

After a critical period in life, we all change in some way. The renewed woman has grown spiritually: she gratefully cradles the bird, which represents the gift of life. She dwells in this one moment, content.


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Growth 13

Growth 13
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

The sun came out today. Recovery. Warmth and sunshine. A flower blooms unexpectedly. I have been using up old tubes of paint for these pages, and this ancient crusty cadmium yellow was full of lumps. Even my chemo-numbed fingers can feel them, scattered like a code or a lunar landscape. Texture=Sensory Input, an artistic process that is felt, like the quick gestural image.

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Vision 3

Vision 3
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

How can we abuse the world
While its Creator looks on?

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Vision 2

Vision 2
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

Of the countless leaves written on,
How many have we turned over?

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Vision 1

Vision 1
8x5" coloured pencil on old text book

Awareness:

Into life we come and soon are gone,
But what do we know of ourselves and the world?

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Growth 12

Growth 12
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

A quiet dream. Gentle ideas flutter about, and remain.

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Growth 11

Growth 11
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Chaotic growth. Brilliant intrusion, the beginning of something new.

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Growth 10

Growth 10
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Growth 10 about dichotomy; after illness and trauma, the brain divides in two. One part carries on as normally as possible, avoiding the thoughts of the other part. Cancer is always there in the other half, waiting to reappear, and potentially treacherous cells hover in between, waiting to change. You are always waiting for the next test. You are always in your little world, thinking of other things, normal things.

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Growth 9

Growth 9
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Somewhere in the new green growth, an idea is forming, still vague and distant.

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Growth 8

Growth 8
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Lately my mother and I have enjoyed looking through her sketchbooks. She keeps finding more...and she has a considerable number of them...and we pore over them, laughing and exclaiming. They are mostly filled with fish characters, designs and motifs. Some of them are whimsical, some extraordinarily beautiful. They spin around each other, changing into other things and back again, and she arranges them in complex patterns. Her sketches always fill my head with ideas, as my own characters try out some fish poses and fish ideas, waiting to take their places in my new paintings.

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Growth 7

Growth 7
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Here are the cancer cells again, seemingly under an impenetrable mountain. Yet beyond the burden and work of fighting this malevolence, a new world appears. The other side. Something to aim for, hope and light. And much nicer colors, too. Give me back my yellows and blues!

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Growth 6

Growth 6
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Blessed cleansing rest, letting everything pour in and pour out. This is an important part of growth.

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A387 Token III (creature)

A387 Token III (creature)
8x10" acrylic on board
Private collection

Here the woman reaches inward, holding the creature that both torments and heals her. She recognizes and understands the process. It is another step forward.

Anomaly Series

A386 Token II (shell)

A386 Token II (shell)
8x10" acrylic on board
private collection

The woman is reaching behind her, listening to the shell of her past. The past whispers to her like a receding tide, almost overwhelming her with memories, and clouding her vision in waves. But she is already looking outward, glancing ahead with luminous vision. I believe she is pushing the past away, ready to approach her future, clean and unburdened.

Anomaly Series

A379 Visage One (bolt)

A379 Visage One (bolt)
12x12" watercolor on canvas
$90

Like a bolt, the flow of your world, the way you perceive your world, can change. And you are changed.

Anomaly Series

Growth 5

Growth 5
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

I was not going to exhibit this painted book, because the subject is so gruesome and personal. Cancer frightens everyone. But time has given me a different perspective. Now it all seems more symbolic than personal. In this image, I imagine myself reaching in, grabbing the cancer cells. An overwhelming urge to do something. And of course, throughout the entire process of diagnosis, surgery, chemo, testing, etc., you do feel as if you have lost control of your life. Or perhaps you are more aware of how little control you ever had.

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Growth 4

Growth 4
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

In Growth 4, my character receives the news, or maybe the news is just sinking in. It is entirely surreal, being told you have cancer, like something from a soap opera or B movie. I suppose some people break down into hysterics or cry for six months, or sink into depression. This character is just the one inside, the little child having a fit, while the outer me remains (fairly) stoic.


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Growth 3

Growth 3
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Growth 3 has more to do with the brain, the exponential growth of both normal and alien tissue, and the eventual return to normalcy.

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Growth 2

Growth 2
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

When I first was diagnosed with cancer, the whole idea of something alien growing inside me was disconcerting. I tried to imagine this new growth, the antithesis of positive development and change. In my sketches, I have been searching for a pattern to define it. Growth 1 is closer to the appearance of real cancer cells, but in this sketch I am imagining the vectors and entanglements of the changed cells.


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Growth 1

Growth 1
9x6" oil on PC Paintbrush IV manual

Growth is one of those double-edged words I like, both positive and negative. In one sense, it represents change and development. We leave behind the branching structure of our lives, and are pushed along on the growing edges of it. In another sense, growth means a tumour or malignancy. Sometimes such a growth is simply a flaw in us, sometimes a cancer. Sometimes it can be covered up, rendered benign, or removed. But there is always the chance it will return.

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A378 Missing III (wolf)

A378 Missing III (wolf)
8x10" acrylic on board
$60

Return to Anomaly Series

page fourteen

Return to Book of Complaints

page thirteen

Return to Book of Complaints

A377 Missing II (overflow)

A377 Missing II (overflow)
12x12" casein on canvas
private collection

Anomaly Series

A375 Memory thirteen

A375 Memory thirteen

10x8" casein on board

$60

Anomaly Series

A369 Memory eleven (token)

A369 Memory eleven (token)
20x16" oil
private collection

Anomaly Series